#thisweekiam :: 25/52/15

I enjoy writing, I’m not sure I’ve found my written voice yet but I do enjoy it and I feel that by writing more regularly, my style and voice will develop, thanks for bearing with me along this journey!

In the pursuit of development, I’m trying to write a post a week to get into the habit of blogging regularly. I’ve been writing a little post the past couple weeks #thisweekiam. There’s a list of the things I’ve been doing, reading, eating, anticipating, etc. When I sat down to write today, I could only come up with one item for the list. Questioning.

I’m not sure if this space is the right one for this list, if sharing my questions is appropriate or necessary but right now, it’s what is occupying my head space so here you have it. I want to be clear, this is not a melancholy kind of questioning, it’s an exploration, an evaluation. It’s an important process for me, I want to be the best person I can be which means I naturally spend time thinking about where I’ve been, where I am and where I want to be. I evaluate my relationships, I analyse my decisions and when I make progress, I want to know why. It’s not a doubting questioning, but a constant development.

By the “best person” I can be, I mean I want to be genuine, authentic, true to my values, true to myself. It is important to me to be honest, kind and compassionate, to not pretend to be someone I’m not just to fit in, to own my f**ck-ups (and my use of the vernacular), and to explore my own journey without comparison or jealousy. Essentially, to live a life according to my own belief system.

So, there are often many questions and this week I am questioning:

:: my parenting. Am I parenting with kindness, am I present and listening properly. Do my children feel listened to, are there voices being heard? (Observation :: I’m more distracted and less tolerant than I’d like to be. Action :: Give up a couple of projects and push some deadlines back to allow more space in the day for the girls).

Questioning :: my design. What am I wanting to achieve, how do I want to achieve it. (Observation :: reflect, articulate, pay attention to the original intention and the execution {thank you Bill Kerr for your most excellent class this past weekend, I learnt far more than I had ever expected}. Action :: schedule time for reflection and examination).

Questioning :: my impact. What is my impact on other people. Generally, I don’t require validation from others. I’m fairly confident in myself and my own skin. I know what I do and don’t like and I’m comfortable to express my opinions and my reasoning – I’m also really comfortable to have my reasoning questioned and to accept criticism. What I’m not comfortable with is thinly veiled attacks and nasty gossip. Recently I heard some really hurtful things that people were saying about me. I’m questioning the merit in the gossip – is there some truth to what they were saying? What have I done to give someone the impression they have? Is it about me or is actually about them? How can I be true to myself and do so without offending other people? No observations yet, it’s still rather raw. Perhaps you have some insight for me?!

Questioning :: my impact. Version 2. Why is it that I am impacting people to think about the way they approach their making? What am I saying/doing to have such a positive impact on my students? How can I repeat this to encourage people to pursue their creativity and to build the community of makers that I envision? Lots of observations here, just none I can fully articulate right now (the alarm to pick up the children from school has just gone off, this will need to be answered another day!).

6 thoughts on “#thisweekiam :: 25/52/15

  1. Nicole

    Hey Jules, my advice is ignore the haters and the gossip – that stuff is unproductive and doesn’t warrant any of your precious brain space. There will always be people like that around, no matter what you do or say, you just have to not let it affect you. PS I think you are very courageous to write this sort of thing and post it on a blog! It’s the sort of thing I would find very difficult to put out there..

    Reply
    1. Nicole

      BTW, I have followed your lead and deleted Facebook off my phone. Hooray! I am wasting a lot less time and ignoring my husband slightly less :-)

      Reply
    2. procrasticraft Post author

      You are right, it is unproductive, I think I really just needed to get it out so I could move on – some of it has been going for a really long time but this past week, I’ve not really thought much about – too many quilts to think about since then :)

      Reply
  2. Ann

    Love that you have an alarm so you are not clock watching. I wish I had thought of that when my children needed me. Wish you could have joined us today. Was so great. I have a fantastic new quilt in progress.
    In my experience anyone who questions their parenting is doing a brilliant job. We all do our best at the time.

    Reply
    1. procrasticraft Post author

      I neither confirm nor deny that the alarm is the result of missing pick up time on more than one occasion :). Looking forward to seeing what you came up with in the next two days!

      Reply

I love hearing what you have to say, please leave a comment here, thanks :) I will reply to your comment here however if you would prefer a private response, please email me :: procrasticraft {at} gmail {dot} com

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